October 6th was the 14th Anniversary of my Dad passing away.
Seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago, all rolled into one big bunch of emotions.
Every October, a small dark cloud rolls over me.
The ache in my heart as active as ever.
Yet, in the last 14 years I found love and have a family of my own.
I am happy.
I have a wonderful life.
But with the happiness, there is the underlying knowledge that I will always have pain when it comes to the loss of my Dad. That’s ok. Time has made me aware of the gifts that have unfolded as a result of grief. It has made me a more compassionate person. It broke my heart open and allowed me to fall in love with my husband. It made me closer to my family. It made me want to be better in all aspects of my life. To honor his memory is to appreciate all that my father taught me and to live through his example.
This gives me strength.
After it happened I found it hard to imagine life without my Dad.
Now, I tap into the sadness, let it come and experience it.
Every time I do there is growth.
To feel is to heal.
There is no growth without pain.
What happens as a result is that a new life unfolds and it can be good if you let it.
And you should.
It’s what they would have wanted.